...when I start to feel really anxious about the upcoming holidays. I am already starting to feel the pressure now that Thanksgiving is quickly approaching. How are we going to fit it all in? How can we manage to visit with everyone without someone feeling left out...and without feeling burnt out from trying to do it all. Instead of being something I look forward to, it seems that Thanksgiving, Christmas and the plethora of birthdays that come from November to Christmas are just something I dread. I don't like feeling like things are so out of my control, but this time of year, they really are.
Before Dan and I first got married I was used to celebrating Christmas with my family at my parent's house on Christmas eve and then just hanging out in my pj's all day on Christmas. It was layed back...we rarely went anywhere. Now that we are married the holiday get-togethers have multiplied. So now, in addition to my family of origin, we also have separate celebrations with Dan's paternal grandparents, his immediate family (since the divorce this means 2 get-togethers instead of 1) then we also have Dan's maternal extended family to spend time with, which sometimes means a trip out of town. If you are keeping track, that is 5, count them FIVE Christmas "parties" (only one of which is with my family of origin and that one has to be shared on the same night as his grandparent's get-together). Oh yea, then I guess we get Christmas morning to ourselves with the kids before we have to get up and go somewhere to "enjoy" spending the holidays with family.
So I have 5 family Christmas obligations plus our own family time for a total of 6 Christmases, 7 family birthdays (Becca, Dad, Natalie, Andrea, Zander, Aaron and John), 2 kids Christmas/holiday school programs, 2 school Christmas/holiday parties, 2 school birthday celebrations...and a pooped Alyssa by the end of the month. Not to mention that the kids are literally OVERWHELMED by gifts. They actually get tired of opening presents...can you imagine how many toys we have...it is unreal. I am not trying to sound ungrateful but it is really bordering on ridiculous. I wish I could come up with a brilliant solution that could make everyone happy, but at this point everyone, including me, has their own idea of what Christmas means to them and who am I to say that they have to change their idea because it is troublesome to me? I am a "people pleaser" and have a hard time saying no for fear of disappointing people.
As it turns out, I guess I'm the one who really feels disappointed because we can't effectively establish our own traditions when we seem to feel obligated to live out everyone else's traditions. My friends used to tell me it would get better once we had kids...that we could set up our own family traditions at home and family would understand...so I had hope, but it has actually gotten worse. Now everyone wants to make sure they see the kids for Christmas. I will admit that I do enjoy myself and the family we are with, once we are there, but bottom line...it's too much "fun" for one month.
I guess if I was used to all this busyness I might enjoy it more, but in the 11 years of marriage, I still find myself hating it. I feel I can never fully relax and enjoy where I am because there is always something else to get ready for. I know I sound like I am whining...and well, I am. Sometimes I need to whine a little before I take a deep breath and jump right in. How else could I get through the holidays with my perm-a-smile and my "I'm doing fine" greeting?
Earlier this week I ordered all the party goodies for Natalie and Zander's upcoming birthdays. I plan for their birthdays well in advance. I have to because they compete with Christmas. When Natalie was a baby, I decided I would do everything in my power to make her birthday stand out from all the festivities of Christmas. Having a dad, a brother and a sister all with December birthdays, I saw how often they got presents wrapped in Christmas wrap, teddy bears with Santa hats for gifts and birthday parties cancelled due to weather or sickness. It is a total bummer, so I wanted to make sure that my kids didn't get over looked. Then when Zander came along 2 years and 2 weeks later I knew that December was going to be tough.
I kind of overcompensate by throwing big birthday parties, but it's fun for me to plan everything, so I don't mind one bit. The kids love it and that's what matters most to me...their happiness.
So, now that I have shared my tales of woe, I am ready to deck the halls, play the Christmas music, fill the stocking and put on my happy face. I promise not to turn into the Grinch...just as long as I can have a nice BIG glass of wine (whine) as needed!
6 comments:
Amen sister!!!!
Ugh, I feel the same way-overwhelmed and the people pleasing- GUILTY! ugh, stop the insanity!!!
Thanksgiving is tricky this year and I'm not really sure how that day is going to work out but...it will and hopefully peoples feelers won't get all bent out of shape. Drama.
Man-oh-man! Your December looks similar to our June. We have 7 birthdays in that first 10 day stretch in June. My Grandma, Shawn's Dad, sister, Hunter, my brother, our nephew. Uh, who else? Well, I guess that's six but who's counting?
Let's just try to take a deep breath and get thru it!
Isn't it awful though to feel like your dreading the Holidays when you should be enjoying it? I feel guilty almost sometimes, like when I think "ugh, do we really have to go?" -or- "I can't WAIT until this or that is over".
Busy, busy, busy!
I will definitely be lifting you up in prayer as you go in to this busy season in your life.
My sister is so sickening sometimes with how ahead of the game she is, she is usually wrapped and ready to go for Christmas by November. I am the classic procrastinator! But, I have to give myself grace, she is not married and no children yet.
Ok, this entry is rather lengthy so I am gonna scoot!
sweetktea,
You said...I feel guilty almost sometimes, like when I think "ugh, do we really have to go?" -or- "I can't WAIT until this or that is over".
Me too...I want to want to go, but it stinks that it all comes at once...then it's not so fun.
If I'm not mistaken, Hunter and Dan share the same birthday in June...the 5th right?
Yea, just wait until your sis has kids...I used to "plan ahead" before, but now due to my lack of hiding skills and my procrastination in regards to wrapping the gifts, the kids usually find out what they are getting...Now that we've moved, I'm going to hide them in sneakier places.
Thanks for chiming in. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who dreds these obligations. I thought I was coming across a bit ba-humbug like, but I guess in being honest we can relate to eachother's chaos!
Any way you could consolidate some of the birthdays? Obviously not for kids but for adults in the same family, why not celebrate them all at once
If you feel the kids get to many presents, why not try to get family to buy useful things for them like a college savings donation or something. Or get them to all go in on something bigger that you dont want to spend the money on yourself
Ultimately its up to you to set your family traditions. Its really hard not to be stressed out at Christmas with all the comitments, but you have to find a balance even if it means cutting back on some of them.
Anonymous
Those are good suggestions and some we have tried. We have asked for money to go towards college and some have chosen to contribute in this way, however our kids have 6 sets of aunts and uncles, 2 sets of grandparents, great-grandparents, great-aunts and great-uncles, cousins...as you can see, the gifts are bound to add up. I've asked for OMSI or Zoo passes, but most people tell me that giving a kid money or a pass isn't that fun/exciting. I think people get a lot of satisfaction from seeing the reaction of kids when their gift is opened. I have offered gift suggestions for people to go in on, but people tend to buy what they feel would be appropriate regardless. I have tried to be diplomatic and really, I don't want to turn into the gift-police, so what's a girl to do?
It would be easier to set our family traditions if my husband backed me up more. We go round and round each year and he still feels it is important to spend time with all the family for the holidays. I agree it is important, but something has to give.
Poor girl. I still don't know how you do it all... You seriously need to add something else to your list of things to do and write a book about it. How about I just move my birthday to another part of the year like July.... Wait! that's no good either... Dang, I thought that might work, not that we need another birthday or celebration then either...
Mamacimino
I feel bad for you, cause you get cheated with your birthday being the day after Natalie's. What should we do this year? Don't forget dad turns 60 this year...do you want to get together and figure something out?
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